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We certainly know that not all marriages are perfect and sometimes we struggle to keep everything in control. In some cases, we even push ourselves to our limits for the sake of saving our relationship. As much as possible, we try to avoid making decisions that can severely affect our situation. But how about handling the effects of depression? Is there a way to deal with it? Can it end your marriage?

It creates a situation that may feel out of control, hopeless, and heavy. — Angela Avery, MA, LLPC, NCC

The Effects

Depression is a mental illness that creates a massive problem in a person’s life and affects other lives as well. It changes everything because it elevates all the negativity in our mind, body, and soul that makes us end up losing interest in living. Sometimes, it gives us unimaginable thoughts that can make us hurt others or even worse, ourselves. We tend to feel devastated, uninspired, sad, and anxious about the things that surround us. It changes us into a totally different person that we know we are not supposed to become. And when it comes to our relationship, we see things in a pessimistic view.

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Depression is a devious disorder, because the symptoms it creates can discourage you from completing the very actions or seeking the help that would begin your recovery. Lack of energy, low self-esteem and dwindling excitement are some of the symptoms that make it hard to get out of a depressed state. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Affected Relationship

Sometimes, we often don’t notice the condition and think of it as something normal in the emotional aspect. In most cases, we lash it out to our significant others and tend to do things that even ourselves couldn’t understand. Although we know that we have some issues that we are dealing with, it will not stop us from blaming the nearest person around us. Therefore, it creates a huge gap between understanding and confusion. We shut down the only person that we can rely on, and that action makes them think that they are part of our problem in any way whatsoever. We know that it’s not our partner’s fault, but the emotional suffering makes us think that it is. Sometimes, depression makes us irrational and unpredictable throughout the course of our relationship that’s why our spouses or partners decide to move away.

Cause Of Divorce

Due to consistent misunderstanding, the depression leads a marriage to its end. I’m not saying that all results will end up in divorce, but almost all relationships fail to acknowledge the essence of knowing the condition. Perhaps that’s because figuring it out is sometimes already too late. Couples experience a lack of understanding, miscommunication, disagreements, isolation, and mild to severe arguments. These hinder both parties to psychologically, mentally and emotionally grow. In the end when all else fails, and everything gets worse, both choose to go separate ways.

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If you notice withdrawal in your relationship, it may be helpful to offer to take a break, allowing your partner the time and space to calm down in order to effectively communicate. — Meredith Shirey, MS, LMFT

Realizing the effect of depression is vital to our relationship. We may think that the emotional struggle only affects us, but the truth is, we make it even harder for our spouse and significant others. It’s hard for the person around us to deal with someone who is not willing to talk and doesn’t consider helping themselves either. Even though we know that the person loves us and is there to support us, our constant negative behavior towards them can dictate the kind of relationship we will have in the future.