Let me tell you a story about Kit, a 44-year-old man who went to my office three months ago, asking if he should end his life to avoid facing his issues.
The Background Story
Ten years ago, Kit had it all – a business, a home, and a family. He opened a restaurant when his firstborn – a beautiful baby girl – was born. Though his house was still on the mortgage, paying it every month was not a problem for him.
Kit mentioned that his life at that point was completely different from what he had 15 years ago. That’s when he got diagnosed with sexual addiction – soon after a police raid took place at a shady club, which was a front for prostitution in his city. He struggled with his addiction until he met his wife, Lara, who helped him overcome his problems.
The thing was, Kit’s wife was far from being a saint-like person. In truth, she had always wanted to live a lavish life and buy all the bags and shoes she could find. While Kit was busy making money, she was busy spending it. It came to the point that Kit had to declare bankruptcy after a fire occurred in the restaurant, and he found out that they no longer had money to start again.
Despite that, the man did not get mad at Lara. The two of them look for jobs, and they tried to make it work like other middle-class families. Kit figured that that would be enough for them to open a business once more if they kept at it for a few months.
What Kit did not expect, though, was that Lara had other plans for herself. She had been having an affair with her childhood friend, who also happened to be their second daughter’s godfather. The revelation broke Kit’s heart into a billion pieces, and he secured a court order that would keep his wife from seeing their two daughters.
The Start Of Even Bigger Problems
Since Kit soon realized that he could not work and raise two kids alone, he sent his daughters off to his parents’ farm in Idaho. Lara kept trying to change the court’s ruling, but none of them thought of divorcing once and for all.
Instead, Kit decided to get multiple girlfriends to quench his loneliness. He divulged that he dated five different girls at one time, wanting to feel loved and significant. After some time, he got evicted from the family house that he could no longer pay for and shacked up with one of his girlfriends.
Bella knew that he was not legally separated, but she was cool with it. Still, Kit did not want them to go public in fear of Lara getting wind of it and filing an adultery case against him, which can make her take their kids. But his ulterior motive for hiding his relationship with Bella was to ensure that he could see other women without Bella finding out.
Boom Goes The News
No secrets could ever remain as much, of course. Bella learned that there were other women in Kit’s life. In retaliation, she stopped taking her birth control pills without his knowledge. He only found out when Bella showed him a positive pregnancy test.
Was Kit happy about it? No. As it turned out, he had no plans of marrying Bella. He lived with her out of convenience, but he fancied other women, too. He urged Bella to terminate her pregnancy because Lara could sue him – and because he could not afford to raise another child – but the defiant girlfriend wanted him to take responsibility for it.
Fast Forward To Present
This was the issue that brought Kit to my office. From what you read, it might become evident to you that Kit stopped thinking with his head the moment his marriage fell apart. It would be safe to assume that he gave in to his loneliness, which allowed sexual addiction to creep back into his life. Once he realized it, though, it was already too late.
“What can I do, ma’am?” Kit asked miserably.
“Technically speaking, abortion is legal here in New York. You can ask your girlfriend to reconsider, and her answer will hopefully be in your favor. However, what you should never do is run away from your problems by killing yourself. Just think of how your kids and parents will feel if you do that.”
When Kit did not reply, I continued, “If you have the means to do so, I would suggest getting a divorce with your legal wife to avoid further problems. And if you genuinely do not want to be with your pregnant girlfriend, do not play with her feelings anymore and offer child support if she wants to keep your baby. More importantly, I would suggest getting therapy so that you can overcome your sexual addiction.”
Kit’s life would forever be changed by his sexual addiction, unfortunately. He went on to get multiple jobs to pay for his ex-girlfriend’s pregnancy, finalize his divorce, and provide for his two daughters. Nevertheless, the silver lining was that he stopped sleeping with as many women as possible, so he could gain some balance in his life.