Month: October 2019

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We certainly know that not all marriages are perfect and sometimes we struggle to keep everything in control. In some cases, we even push ourselves to our limits for the sake of saving our relationship. As much as possible, we try to avoid making decisions that can severely affect our situation. But how about handling the effects of depression? Is there a way to deal with it? Can it end your marriage?

It creates a situation that may feel out of control, hopeless, and heavy. — Angela Avery, MA, LLPC, NCC

The Effects

Depression is a mental illness that creates a massive problem in a person’s life and affects other lives as well. It changes everything because it elevates all the negativity in our mind, body, and soul that makes us end up losing interest in living. Sometimes, it gives us unimaginable thoughts that can make us hurt others or even worse, ourselves. We tend to feel devastated, uninspired, sad, and anxious about the things that surround us. It changes us into a totally different person that we know we are not supposed to become. And when it comes to our relationship, we see things in a pessimistic view.

Depression is a devious disorder, because the symptoms it creates can discourage you from completing the very actions or seeking the help that would begin your recovery. Lack of energy, low self-esteem and dwindling excitement are some of the symptoms that make it hard to get out of a depressed state. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Affected Relationship

Sometimes, we often don’t notice the condition and think of it as something normal in the emotional aspect. In most cases, we lash it out to our significant others and tend to do things that even ourselves couldn’t understand. Although we know that we have some issues that we are dealing with, it will not stop us from blaming the nearest person around us. Therefore, it creates a huge gap between understanding and confusion. We shut down the only person that we can rely on, and that action makes them think that they are part of our problem in any way whatsoever. We know that it’s not our partner’s fault, but the emotional suffering makes us think that it is. Sometimes, depression makes us irrational and unpredictable throughout the course of our relationship that’s why our spouses or partners decide to move away.

Cause Of Divorce

Due to consistent misunderstanding, the depression leads a marriage to its end. I’m not saying that all results will end up in divorce, but almost all relationships fail to acknowledge the essence of knowing the condition. Perhaps that’s because figuring it out is sometimes already too late. Couples experience a lack of understanding, miscommunication, disagreements, isolation, and mild to severe arguments. These hinder both parties to psychologically, mentally and emotionally grow. In the end when all else fails, and everything gets worse, both choose to go separate ways.

If you notice withdrawal in your relationship, it may be helpful to offer to take a break, allowing your partner the time and space to calm down in order to effectively communicate. — Meredith Shirey, MS, LMFT

Realizing the effect of depression is vital to our relationship. We may think that the emotional struggle only affects us, but the truth is, we make it even harder for our spouse and significant others. It’s hard for the person around us to deal with someone who is not willing to talk and doesn’t consider helping themselves either. Even though we know that the person loves us and is there to support us, our constant negative behavior towards them can dictate the kind of relationship we will have in the future.

Kids are the most significant sources of joy and pride in a parent’s life. After a long day in the office, seeing their happy smiles can wash all your worries away. More than anyone, you are also their #1 cheerleader as they try to achieve their dreams.

Thus, when you feel so close to your children, it is possible for you to get depressed once they become old enough to move out of the house. The usual chats you share over breakfast every day may just happen once or twice a month. If they now live away from your city, video messaging applications may be the only way for you to see your kids’ faces often.

Take time to reflect on the season you have had with your children at home. It takes time to process the reality you have been preparing them for since they were born. — Angela Bisignano, PhD

It isn’t anybody’s position to condemn you for missing your babies too much, regardless of how big they are already. But you need not feel sad about letting them exercise their independence because it can bring a lot of benefits to their lives – and yours, of course.

The Activities In The House Are Less Hectic Than Ever

A child growing up means he or she will not need your help too much inside or outside your home. If you had to prepare their clothes and meals when they were still young, they could do all of that now by themselves. And once they leave, it’s mere you and your better half will share the place; that’s why there will inevitably be less amount of clutter and noise.

Your Stress Level Can Go Down

Being a mom or dad to someone isn’t easy since your parenting skills have to stay polished. Kids at any age require guidance, and they will undoubtedly retreat under your wing in times of need. When they are living with you, the children may bombard you regularly with their issues from the moment they hear your footsteps from the garage. At least, if your locations are different, then they can try to fix the problem themselves and allow you to be stress-free for once.

When you occasionally distract yourself with something mindless or a physical activity, you give your unconscious a chance to sort through possible solutions. — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.

You And Your Spouse Can Go On Your Dream Adventure Together

Is there a place out of town or across the globe that you wanted to visit but never had the chance due to childcare? That doesn’t have to remain as a far-fetched dream now, thanks to your children growing up.

They are ideally past the adolescent years and are capable of surviving without you for days or weeks. So, plan your new endeavor and feel no guilt about going on a trip as a couple.

There are traits we’ve taken on that strengthen us and enhance our sense of self. Yet, differentiation isn’t about separating yourself from society or ridding yourself of positive social models. — Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

The Talks You Share Become More Mature

As the kids gain life experiences, the chats you’ll have together will be more adult-like. Rather than talking about school crushes and friends, they may prefer to speak of work, investments, and family. During those moments, the age gap may not seem as noticeable as when they were children, and you won’t feel weird about sharing your woes with them.

You Can Be Like Newlyweds Again

The pet peeve of married couples with kids is that the latter will catch them in the act of making love. That can be super embarrassing for everyone. With your children away from home often, however, you can rekindle your romance and practically have sex wherever and whenever you please.