Marriage life, as you may know through experience or association with married people, isn’t filled with harmony and laughter every day. There will be clashes along the way, but you can expect that from two individuals with independent views. What’s vital is that you kiss and makeup at the end of it. Otherwise, the union will fail, and the next time you see each other may be in front of a judge, fighting over who’s psychologically incapable of handling a relationship or who’ll get which property.
Gently explaining your hurt is the first step to deepening your understanding together. Being able to hear when your partner is hurt is just as important to make things better. — Kristin Rosenthal, MA, LPC
Never allow your marital issues to reach that point because it can lead to extreme sadness or depression. There are counselors now who can guide you to solve your problems together. In case you’re unsure of when to get couples counseling, check the five common red flags below.
- You rarely speak to one another.
When did you sit down next to your partner and just chatted non-stop about everything? If that was just yesterday or today, that’s cool – you’re still well-informed about each other’s lives. But if you only remember asking him or her briefly regarding your house bills, then you are both in trouble.
Having open communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship, you know. Not being able to talk like regular couples when you’re living under the same roof is a clear sign that there’s a glitch in your marriage.
The partner fighting for the marriage may struggle to see the other person’s perspective. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC
- Small arguments often turn into verbal wars.
Considering you do talk a lot, yet every conversation becomes a yelling match, there is still an underlying issue to resolve. Whenever the bickering happens, negativities and insults may come out of your mouths and hurt one another. In case it occurs often, your brain may merely link your spouse to awful memories and make you not want to see him or her much, although you still love that person.
- You no longer have satisfying sex.
It is another warning signal that you may need couples counseling if you or your partner doesn’t feel happy with your sex life anymore. The problem can be a result of losing your sexual compatibility, e.g., one suddenly wants to do the horizontal tango on a daily basis, while the other is only OK with doing it several times a week.
You are motivated to address these difficulties in order to elicit change, grow, and bring your relationship to another level. Your partner, on the other hand, is unmotivated and unwilling to put forth the same effort. — Moshe Ratson, MBA, MS, LMFT
- The moments you spend together are becoming less.
Regardless of how long they’ve been with each other, married couples should have plenty of quality time together. However, assuming you find it extra comfortable to dine out or watch Netflix without the spouse even if you didn’t fight, that’s indeed worrying.
- You hide truths from each other.
The single time when keeping information from your partner is acceptable is if it’s birthday or anniversary surprises. Should you start concealing your activities to your better half since you’re sure that they’ll disapprove of it, that’s foul. Once he or she hears about your secrets, there may be hell to pay.
If you notice the red flags above in your marriage, don’t just sit back and wait for the problems to become permanent. Fix it now or go to therapy so that you two can understand what you should do. Learn more about couples counseling today.